The Positive Side of Loss

Losing loved ones is extremely difficult. After losing my father, a daughter, and several pregnancies I experienced bouts of deep depression and pure sadness. Other times I was angry at how unfair life can be. Grief can be consuming, and everyone deals with it in different ways. I found that I dealt with my grief in different ways as time passed. People told me that the pain would heal with time. Our daughter passed 8 years ago today. I can tell you that the pain has not healed. I honestly do not believe it will. The thing that has changed is my ability to deal with the pain. This morning as I reflect and honor Elise, I felt the strength of Purple Power and I was struck with several new thoughts about the positive side of loss.

  • I am still alive, so I must live!

The reason we feel loss is because someone is gone while we are still here. But wait! That means we are still here! If we are here we still have the ability to live and to live BIG. Loss is hard but not living is harder. Each of us has a finite amount of time on earth. I plan to honor the ones I lost by living. I know they wouldn’t want less for me.

  • I have known true love and I still have love to give!

We feel loss because someone we love is no longer with us on earth. The bigger our love, the bigger our loss. But wait! That means we were lucky enough to have someone in our life to love! I am so fortunate to know how to feel and show BIG love. Loss does not mean our ability to love and be loved is gone as well. We can grieve the loss but we should be proud of our capacity to love. There are so many people on earth that are worthy of our love and it feels really good to share it. Don’t feel guilty about sharing your love with new people. Tapping back into our loving hearts helps us to cope with the pain of loss. I know the loved ones we’ve lost wouldn’t want us to live without love.

  • I am a survivor and I have more to do!

Losing a loved one is very hard. It seems harder when the person we lost was young. This feels very unfair and it can lead to questions such as Why? Truth is, we will never truly know why, so I stopped asking the why question a long time ago. I finally realized that there are some things in life that I will never understand. I made the decision to accept the things I cannot control and to kick butt at the things I can. I am a survivor! I have more to do while I am fortunate enough to still be here. I want to make my lost loved ones and the loved ones still with me proud. I plan to make the most out of the life I have left!

This morning as I honor our sweet girl, Elise, I am both smiling and crying. She changed me forever and I thank her for the wonderful impact she had on our lives. I miss her and I grieve her loss. Of course, I wish she were still here, but she’s not. I can choose to focus on the negative or I can choose to focus on the positive. I choose the positive. PURPLE POWER!

Are You Stuck?

You know how sometimes you feel stuck in either your life or your job? It’s a helpless feeling. You get lost in the humdrum of daily activities trying to make sure that you finish everything you are supposed to do. You go to bed exhausted and wake up the next day to do it all over again. Is this what life is really like? You work hard to get to a point in your life that is where you thought you should be. Now you realize you feel unfulfilled in some way. You want more but for some reason you can’t take the steps to move forward. You are stuck. We’ve all been there at some point in our lives.

Perhaps you feel stuck in your personal life. Is it that you can’t seem to get the healthy lifestyle you long for started? Has your relationship with your significant other become stagnant? Are you beating yourself up over your parenting skills? Are you struggling with self-esteem issues? Has there been a tragedy in your life that you can’t seem to get past?

If you feel stuck in your job, it could be that you feel hostage to your income or you don’t feel as though you have the skills to obtain another job. Maybe you have been in your job for quite some time and do not want to start over or give up some benefits you’ve earned. Do you have a difficult co-worker and you can’t find common ground?

There are lots of reasons you might perceive you can’t move past the situation that has you feeling stuck. The truth is that you CAN move past it. Maybe not tomorrow, but with a solid plan, good guidance, and continued support, you can achieve most anything in an acceptable time frame. Circumstances should not control you, you can control your circumstances. You have the power to move past any situation. The only question remaining is are you ready?

If you have been following my blog, then you know I have been at a place in my life that had me feeling stuck. I decided last September on my 44th birthday to do something about it. As I tried to sort through my current circumstances and set goals to where I want to head, I realized I needed some help with planning and empowerment. I decided to seek out a life coach.  This decision has changed my life dramatically. My goals are more clear. My plan for reaching them is taking shape. I feel more alive and empowered than I have in a long time. I no longer feel stuck! Life coaching has been so powerful and fulfilling for me that I have decided to become a certified life coach. This is something I will do outside of my job at TTS. If you would like to talk about how a coach could help you, email me at gina@freelunchkid.com. I’ll be happy to answer any questions you might have, just know that I will get back to you after 5:00. Remember, the only person holding you back is you.

Have a great day and get moving! I hope to hear from you!

I’m Ready for 2017!

I love to read social media. It allows me to stay up to date on news stories, research, and most importantly – my friends. As 2016 comes to an end, it is interesting to see how many people want this year to go away. They’re so ready for this year to come to an end and for a new one to begin. The reasons vary. Some are depressed at the loss of popular icons this year such as Prince, George Michael, and Carrie Fisher. That’s very understandable – heck, I’m devastated that I never saw Prince in concert and never will. Other people are ready for the year to be over because they’ve lost loved ones. The pain of loss can be debilitating and most are seeking a way to overcome it as quickly as possible. I also see some friends wanting the year to end because things just haven’t gone their way lately. The common denominator in every one’s wish to end this year and start next year is the yearning for a fresh start. We’ve all faced times in our lives when we need an era to end and a new one begin. The end of a year and the beginning of a new one seems to be the most logical time to hope for change. The idea of New Year Resolutions has been imbedded in us our entire lives. We have been conditioned to reflect on our lives at the end of the year and look for ways to improve it in the new year. This is truly a good practice but statistics tell us that 88% of people fail at keeping their resolutions. Over the years, my opinions of NY resolutions have changed from setting them to not setting them. The years that I did set them, I chose the most popular ones like losing weight and exercising more. I failed too! This year I find myself at a different place in life. A few months ago, I began a journey to find true happiness in my life. I have dedicated myself to genuine change. I suppose one could say I began the same process of a resolution, but I started on my 44th birthday. I feel the same as everyone that wants 2016 to be over. The difference for me this year is that I realize a day on the calendar is not enough to instigate true change. The only thing strong enough to cause the positive change I am seeking is ME! If I wanted, I could look back at the past year and fall into a pity party. I’ve experienced some crappy things this past year from the loss of an adoption opportunity to a second neck surgery. I’ve gained 10 pounds and I’m more out of shape than I’ve ever been. It would be easy to play victim and whine about all of this. It would be just as easy to be angry and lash out. Every circumstance and situation creates energy. It is our choice how we use that energy. It can be negative energy or positive energy. The energy doesn’t decide – we do. When we make the decision to be optimistic regardless of situations, we create more positive energy and force the negative energy out. This is the key to success in all things, including resolutions. If we begin our resolutions with a negative outlook such as I’m fat and need to fix it, we will fail. Instead, take the positive approach and empower yourself. Your resolution could sound more like this – I will reward my body with healthy food and exercise this year. If you do that, weight loss will come. Learning how to harness energy and focus it in a positive direction takes practice. I know because I’m learning how to do it myself! It is making a huge difference in my life and well-being. I am looking forward to 2017! I hope you are as well! I wish you all the best year of many yet to come!